playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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