My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
