I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
