xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You're like the curious george of whores
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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