Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
