If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
if i died would you start the facebook group?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
