No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
