if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize