it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
