if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
