Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Boobs are out for the taking
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
