he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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