it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
