I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
