i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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