I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
