Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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