Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
