She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
