She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
