We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am one with the molecules
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
