This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
