i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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