I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
