My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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