first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
