Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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