when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
