..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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