This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
