Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
