god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
