I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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