Tell her she can't have a vagina
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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