The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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