just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
