he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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