Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize