Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
