sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
