I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
