drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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