there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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