were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
