so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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