I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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