dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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