Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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