found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
