Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
