I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
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I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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