i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
