the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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