how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
