I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
