i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
