ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
