i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You can't motorboat a personality
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
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I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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