Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
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I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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