She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
