Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
