u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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