I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
